i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
