So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
