Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize