What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
