Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
