Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
bring money and cleavage
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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