remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
