You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
