for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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