is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize