So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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