Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
