happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We have started to decorate penises.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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