you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
How external is "for external use only"?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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