I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
