She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
