I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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