Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
