I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
