she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Sorry my hands just texted you
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize