i jhust puked up my retainher.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
My pussy is not your playground.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
My liver just had a heart attack.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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