So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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