dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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