I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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