so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
