It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
