He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
false alarm. still invincible.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
where are my eyebrows?
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