i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
