R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
