It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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