when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
