I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
