i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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