Who did Billy Mays play for?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
