Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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