I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
