Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
be right there i have to get my cape
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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