god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
