I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i permit you to call me
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
