mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
