am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
