Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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