you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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