If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
