i love accidental penises.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
