Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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