I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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