I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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