Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize