and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
