remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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