I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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