Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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