I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
