anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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