chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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