You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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