I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
