just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
