The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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