I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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