oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
