we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
