Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
