i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
