Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
