Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
