i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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