hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
