would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
