You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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