i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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