happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
this beer tastes like vomit already
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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