Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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