break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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