and you said cock pushups were impossible
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
