Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
