Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
We were destined to go to rehab together
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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